Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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