walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
