she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
