I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
