Im at strip club and am horny
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Pants are for mortals
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
