So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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