so that wasnt chicken after all
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
