I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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