The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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