You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
