i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I lost the right to judge tonight
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