anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
