Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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