I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
