It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is my gift to your gina
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
