Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If I die, sorry about rent.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
