She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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