I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
