So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
