Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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