Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it because I queefed?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
