I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just high enough for therapy.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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