Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
