She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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