If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
