my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
