you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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