Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
