i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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