Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
