how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
