SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Success! We fucked roommates!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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