bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
