I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
