so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
