You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
