My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
