Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
