then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
