i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
