If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had sex on a roof
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
