I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
