Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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