Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
