I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
