I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
