Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
