If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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