So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
