Screwed.edu
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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