genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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