I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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