that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
