No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
