Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
