All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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