im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
