Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
