Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
