i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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