id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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